My Eulogy to Mom

Read by me at my mom's Catholic funeral Mass on February 25, 2013

I’d like to start by saying one thing general about my mom. She was a very appreciative person who was really touched when someone did something kind. A kindness did not escape her. It really struck her when people did kind things for others. What I’m getting at here, is that she loved us all very much, and she would be so touched and driven to tears by all of the support you have given me and my family this past week.

So in that spirit, on behalf of my dad, my brother, and my aunt, I really want to start by thanking everyone who offered their support to each during these difficult days. All the hugs, talks, emails, and in these days, text messages, and face book posts are so much appreciated. My mom would have smiled at each text, telephone call, and so do we. It is amazing to me how friend and family have come from such distances to show support. I’d also like to thank Father not only for his present leadership in this parish which has been so important to me and my family since 1951, but for allowing me the opportunity to give a talk about my mom.

I must also personally thank my dad, my brother, and my aunt for really being there for my mom during these past few years when her cruel illness really took a toll on my mom and our family. My brother, dad, and Aunt refused to surrender to mom’s illness, and in addition, they refused to forget the dear person that our A was even though the illness tried its best. In the end, Mom’s illness lost, and my mom won. My family’s courageous perseverance and love ensured that the spirit and life of my mom would continue to have the dignity it so definitely deserved. So thank you, Aunt X for being so close to mom and such a loyal friend and sister to mom for 85 years. Thank you, brother X, for continuing to be the best brother in the world and for being there in so many ways for mom and dad. And most importantly, thank you, dad, for being such a powerful model reflecting what a Catholic father and husband should be. Your devotion, deference, and honor to mom through her whole life, most recently in these past few years, ensured that mom lived a great life with dignity even in her last days. I’m proud of you, dad.

I had to do all that thanking, you see, not only because I wanted to, but more importantly because my mom would have wanted me to. You see, she raised me right, to give thanks, to be considerate of others, and for me not to give thanks to you all would be not true to her spirit.

I’d like to talk now a bit about my mom. I am only allowed three minutes, and my father told me not to be long and boring, but that is going to be difficult considering the beautiful life my mom lived.

I must be honest here. I do not think my mom would like what is going on today and what is going on since she died. She absolutely hated to be the center of attention! As an example, she strictly forbade us from giving her a surprise 50th wedding anniversary. Reflecting the humbleness of Christ, mom’s life was a life of humility. She did not want to be the center of attention. But my gosh, by her life, she certainly touched so many people with her humbleness, generosity, and strength. She may not have wanted the spotlight, but she couldn’t help but be the center from which so much love and beauty emanated. Let me tell you a little bit more about my mom.

My mom reflected the Christian value of honesty. Mom was not afraid of the truth, and she let you know her opinion, even if she attached her famous smile to her honesty. As a tiny example, I remember when the movie the Sting came out in the 70’s and got all kinds of raving reviews. Mom thought the movie stunk. She also was not afraid to give her opinion that the shark in the movie JAWS looked fake, or that Marlon Brando was too hard to understand with all the cotton in his mouth in the Godfather. Mom’s honesty will be an important part of her legacy.

Mom’s love was also very persistent and she had her way of being forceful, but loving. Her love was not the mamby pamby quiet kind of love. Even though I may have been in my 30’s at the time, she wasn’t afraid of getting into an argument with me about whether or not I should tell her if I had a warm enough coat on when it was cold out. I also must tell you this true story that I think really reflects mom’s way of being persistently loving . Just as Christ might say loving things that weren’t so popular, so did my mom. I was living in Florida in the 90’s, and I was talking to mom on the phone. She asked if I was eating OK. I responded by saying something like: “Mom. Please Please stop asking if I am eating OK. You really don’t need to ask me that. I’d really like it if you don’t ask me that anymore.” She responded by saying something like, “OK, I didn’t know you felt that way. I’m glad you told me. Now I know. I won’t ask you that anymore, since you told me that.” Believe it or not, she then responding by asking, “But are you eating OK?” Her loving and assertive love is something I won’t forget.

Speaking of eating, we all know how what a great cook mom was and how great her meals were. So even though, like I said, her Christian humility would probably have her weary if not embarrassed by all the attention singled upon her today, she would be honored to know that we are gathered today to honor her in the midst of the most important meal of all: the Eucharistic celebration. Her devotion to her faith was honest and unshakable. Before she went to the nursing home, she was devoted to the rosary. Later, even as her cruel illness took its toll, she would always say “yes” when my dad asked her if she wanted to say the rosary.

I called her mom, or mommy. You may know her as “Sweet Aunt X," X, or as my kids put it, “the faraway grandmom” because she lived over two hours away. But although I presented to you a picture of mom so far today of having tough honesty, humility, and Catholic spirituality, mom was soooo much more than that. Mom loved to laugh! I can just hear her and her brother X now in heaven. The kind of laughter that made you laugh even though you may not have a clue as to what was so funny. She and Uncle X loved to hear me butcher the Italian language. Mom loved to laugh and could be very funny. I have a story about her conversation with a doctor if you want me to tell you about it later in private that is just too funny. Mom loved life and loved to live it on her own terms. She loved music, but her kind of music: she preferred funky jazz saxophone, to be honest. She also loved the song “The Prayer of St Francis” which is a part of the Mass today. The words in that song reflect mom’s life of wanting to give rather than receive. She loved my kids deeply and gave them the titles of her “chickies” or her “dollies.” To be loved by my mom was a powerful thing. I can not, and will not, try to quickly make a run down of mom’s special qualities in these three minutes. It is impossible. But if you knew my mom, you know what I mean when I say that she was one beautiful person inside and out, and its easy to figure why dad fell in love with his “boop.”

Just ask my dad. Think about that. My mom and dad have been married for almost 63 years. That was 63 years of devotion to each other, and not mention 63 years of devotion to Christ’s Church. To say that mom and dad loved each other earnestly would be a terrible understatement. Her devotion to her husband was bound in a firmness that was undeniable. Mom and dad took walks together, and held hands together and loved each other beautifully and as perfectly as two human beings could. Their mutual devotion was a model of what Catholics value in the sacrament of marriage.

My brother and I have talked about how mom’s decline in her illness probably started when her beloved grandaughter X died. But when her X died, I suppose that my mom’s love was wounded terribly and perhaps irreparably. Mom heart started to break when X died, but I sure they are in heaven now, with mom chasing X around a dining room table.

I’d like to conclude now with a story. it’s the story of what I heard trapped coal miner’s wrote on a wall prior to dying. They wrote, “don’t grieve long.” And that is what I think my mom would want to say to each and everyone of us. She would tell my dad that its OK to be sad, but to go on with living with his many loving and faithful friends. She would tell him to continue to honor her in accordance with his strong Catholic faith, but to not grieve long. She would tell you all to please keep in your hearts all the funny memories, smiles, and great times with mom, but do not grieve long. She would tell all her neighbors like X, Y, and Z to remember all those great times with barbeques and laughs, but do not grieve long. She would tell me and my brother to remember all the crazy and funny mom stuff, the dedicated Catholic love she had for my dad, the wonderful Christmas memories with toys stretching out all over the floor, but that we are not to grieve long.
I for one, in my grief, am going to try to remember the great and funny stuff. The simple but important stuff like mom’s smile. I urge you to, also. We love her dearly and will never ever ever forget her. I love you mom, and I miss you already.